Author: Joi

If marriage has bearing on our eternal destiny then it cannot be initiated by a simple contract, easily dissolved. The agreement, must be made by covenant. As stated above, God fixes the terms for this agreement.

Elder David A. Bednar taught, “The Lord Jesus Christ is the focal point in a covenant marriage relationship. As husband and wife are each drawn to the Lord, as they learn to serve and cherish one another, as they share life experiences and grow together and become one, and as they are blessed through the uniting of their distinctive natures, they begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.”

There are many challenges in life that can weaken the fibers of a marriage. Money problems, raising troubled teens, the death of a child, job relocations, issues with extended family, all have the potential to take a toll, unless the couple is committed to one another and to the covenant they made with God.

Any one of these problems in a contract marriage could send one or both parties in search of a divorce. Many think they can just get out of the marriage if things don’t go just the way they should. That attitude is the basis of a contract marriage. Easily begun easily ended.

An eternal marriage is a sacred covenant not only for time, but for all eternity. It is not a contract that can be ended when one decides they are done. Covenants are binding commitments that require sacrifice and righteousness.  In this world where the value of marriage, and even the definition of marriage continues to be corrupted, children need men and women; mothers and fathers who honor their marriage covenants.

Men and women need a companion that will honor them by honoring their covenants. Think of the world we would have if more marriages were honored and remain in effect for the duration of a couple’s lives. Those marriage, bound by the sealing powers, have the potential to be eternal.

For my own edification I put “Contract vs. Covenant Marriage” into a google search and found some very interesting blogs. Interestingly a couple of the ones that appealed most to me are not LDS. I am grateful to see other faiths embrace and teach the principle of a covenant marriage. For the most part we have a contract-oriented mindset about marriage that actually has the opposite benefit of what the term implies.

Here are a couple links to the ones that I enjoyed:

contract vs. covenant

why it matters

I would love to hear your thoughts and see the posts on this topic that inspire you to have a covenant marriage.

I mentioned in my last post that I was going to be addressing controversial topics. Well..here we go

Should a court of appeals change the historically sound definition of marriage?

Is it the right or the duty of a court of appeals to decide the future of a country’s marriage law? Can a small group of judges, forever adjust the anthropological pattern of the family to satisfy the few?  Is it even in their stewardship to make such a far-reaching, impactful decision?

Evidently, five judges believe that it is.

Fortunately, not all of the nine agreed. Justice Roberts made this comment in his dissenting opinion,

“This universal definition of marriage as the union of a man and a woman is no historical coincidence. Marriage did not come about as a result of a political movement, discovery, disease, war, religious doctrine, or any other moving force of world history—and certainly not as a result of a prehistoric decision to exclude gays and lesbians. It arose in the nature of things to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship. See G. Quale, A History of Marriage Systems 2 (1988); cf. M. Cicero, De Officiis 57 (W. Miller transl. 1913) (“For since the reproductive instinct is by nature’s gift the common possession of all living creatures, the first bond of union is that between husband and wife; the next, that between parents and children; then we find one home, with everything in common.”)

This war on marriage is likely to be one of the longest battles humanity will ever see waged.  It will be decades – generations – before the ramifications of the change in the definition of marriage are fully realized. Those who think they are being offended or injured now will be woefully unable to make restitution to those who are truth the victims – the children.

The carnage of this war on family, on motherhood, fatherhood and on children’s development will be far reaching. As marriage is re-defined, so have they now re-defined parenthood and family.

Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse states, “The essential public reason for marriage is to attach mothers and fathers to their children and to one another.” Morse goes on to say, “Children are entitled to a relationship with both of their parents. This is justice for the child. Children have an interest in the stability of the parent’s union.”

All that makes perfect sense, still…It is not all there is…

As a defender of traditional marriage. It is my position there is also higher law and Lawgiver who has made a statement on what marriage is and what children deserve,

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. “Children are an heritage of the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

The role of a mother and a father in the lives and development of children is crucial. Laws cannot change this or minimize or build myths around this truth. Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable. Having two adults in the home does not replace the importance of an active, participating mother and father. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony. Children are entitled to be reared by a father and a mother.

To re-quote Justice Roberts, Marriage “arose …to meet a vital need: ensuring that children are conceived by a mother and father committed to raising them in the stable conditions of a lifelong relationship.” Marriage is also in place, because it is ordained of God. Families are a crucial unit not only of this society and of heavenly societies. Family is eternal in nature. To toss out our or re-structure it because 5 judges have allowed it, it wrong.

We need to recommit ourselves to our children. With more than 40% of children born outside of marriage, with courts deciding what marriage is, or what parents can now be – we are failing our own children.

I’ll wrap this up by sharing a link to Cathy Ruse ‘s video. She raises some excellent points that are worth considering.

I hope you will ask yourselves – “What do I want my children or my children’s children to gain from this crucial time in history?”

In another class I took at BYU-Idaho, I was assigned to read an article entitled, “How We Lost the Plot” by Elder Bruce C. Hafen. In this article he addresses several of the whys marriage has declined as a valuable entity of our society. I remember saying in my mind, “Yes! that’s it”! as Elder Hafen outlined some of the causes. Issues like no-fault divorces and individual rights movements were discussed.  Elder Hafen was addressing an LDS audience, with like-minded beliefs in marriage values. His purpose was clear. He did not mince words.

On a blog, such as this, one attempts to be cautious not to rock the boat of social media in an effort to keep contention to a minimum. The topics I am assigned to address are not popular ones. In the years since Elder Hafen’s article, traditional marriage has declined even further in attitudes and doubt about the value of marriage.  It is my mission and purpose here on this blog to discuss why marriage is important. I will discuss issues that are not always popular. Most importantly, my purpose is to share my beliefs and my witness of the importance of marriage. I will also be writing from my LDS point of view. My views and opinions will align with the doctrines and teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It is my position that marriage is an ordinance established by God for the union of a man and a woman. Period!  While we may think we can adjust laws and long established values to suit our current societal trends, there will be a cost for doing so.

More than 30 years ago, a prophet of the Lord make the following statement:

” Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”

– Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, Nov. 1980, 4.

It is my belief that we live now in the time President Kimball then foretold. Evil swirls around us. Families and marriages are being destroyed and re-defined in countless ways. It is my hope and prayer to stand as a voice of warning, issuing a call to arms, if you will, to defend marriage and the family as God has ordained.

A Deseret News version of “How We Lost the Plot” can be accessed here.

Marriage: A socially acknowledged union or legal contract between two people, establishing certain rights and obligations between them and for children,in-laws and society in general. 

I will be taking my blog on another exploration of my thoughts, ideas, graphics, and articles as I explore the topic of marriage. According to the definition above, marriage is a union or legal contract by definition. In our current society, marriage has taken on many diverse ideas and positions. For me, I stand on the doctrine that, “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” (Hinckley, October 1995)

It is my position that marriage, as outlined above (between a man and a woman) matters, not just to me, but to people every where. Strong societies depend on the continuation of strong marriage laws and values.

To start off this discussion, I’d like to share a link to an address by LDS Apostle, Elder L. Tom Perry, given in April 2015. His message, like mine, is that marriage matters everywhere in the world.

“Why Marriage and Family Matter — Everywhere in the World”

Twenty years after the introduction to The Proclamation, prophets and apostles refer to the Proclamation as a A clarion call

Doctrines outlined in the proclamation apply just as much today as they did in 1995 when the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles issued the document. The Proclamation reflects the doctrine on the family as taught in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said the Proclamation is  “a stern warning in a world where declining values and misplaced priorities threaten to destroy society by undermining its basic unit” (“What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest,” Oct. 2005 general conference).

As I have worked through each assignment this semester, focusing on the doctrines and teachings of this prophetic document, I have come to more fully appreciate the blessing of having a prophet upon the earth to warn and guide the children of God.  

The words in this document may offend some. To those who take these truths to be hard, I quote the Prophet Nephi, “And now my brethren, if ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, and give heed unto it, that ye might walk uprightly before God, then ye would not murmur because of the truth, and say: Thou speakest hard things against us (1 Nephi 16:3).  It is difficult for some to hear truth. The adversary has worked tirelessly to replace truth with lies that he might lead the children of God to destruction.

We live in a world where many want to live by their own ideas, rather than by the laws of God. It is my personal witness, that if an individual were to open their heart, and give this document careful consideration, the Spirit of truth will touch your heart and help you to gain your own witness of this prophetic document. 

UPDATE:  12/1/15   During my morning personal study, I reviewed this conference talk. Elder Martino was the visiting authority during a recent restructure of my local stake. He left my stake with a beautiful blessing and message during his visit. I was excited to hear him speak this past General Conference. I’m sharing his talk here, on this page, because the message in this address on finding answers, is helpful and applicable to anyone’s desire to know of the truthfulness of the words of The Proclamation.

My goal is to take each paragraph of the proclamation and devote a post to each principle. Before I begin delving in deeper to the document itself, I want to include a post about why we would even need a proclamation, or any letter for that matter on the family.

Three years before the proclamation was first delivered at the  1995 General Relief Society meeting, President Ezra Taft Benson wrote an article for a recurring section or our Church magazine; The First Presidency Message for July 1992 was entitled, “Salvation – A Family Affair”.

President Benson stated, “The family is the most effective place to instill lasting values in its members. Where family life is strong and based on principles and practices of the gospel of Jesus Christ, these problems do not as readily appear.”

What problems was he referring to?  President Benson answer’s that perfectly when he explained, “Because some parents have departed from the principles the Lord gave for happiness and success, many families throughout the world are undergoing great stress and trauma. Many parents have been enticed to abandon their responsibilities in the home to seek after an elusive “self-fulfillment.” Some have abdicated parental responsibilities for pursuit of material things, unwilling to postpone personal gratification in the interest of their children’s welfare.”

I was curious to see how the family is viewed outside The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  A little internet search brought me to a New York Times article by one of my favorite authors, William Bennett.  In his article he stated, “The family is the nucleus of civilization and the basic social unit of society. Aristotle wrote that the family is nature’s established association for the supply of mankind’s everyday wants. Research clearly shows that the institution of the family is the first form of community and government and, as Michael Novak said, the first, best and original Department of Health, Education and Welfare.” Bennett went on to say that “for a civilization to succeed, the family must succeed.”

You might find, if you read the article, there those who take issue with Bennett, but he certainly isn’t the only one to make this claim on the cruciality of the family unit. If time presented itself (and I hope it will one day), I’m sure I can provide statistics that are weightier.  For now, and for the purpose of this post, the family unit is the most important unit in the preservation of societies.

From the front cover of the World Family Organization:

“The Family is the basic unit of society and as such should be

strengthened. It is entitled to receive comprehensive protection and support.  In different cultural, political and social systems, various forms of the Family exist. The rights, capabilities and responsibilities of Family must be respected.”